Tuesday, May 23, 2006

This now in from the APN...

Reason and I have an old joke. We created a fictitious watchdog group called the APN. The APN is the Alarmist Parent Network, and they serve only to whip the public up into a frenzy. We like to attribute real-life instances of overboard hand-wringing to the fictional APN. We never discussed the specifics of it, but I've always figured that the APN is a multi-media enterprise. They probably have a website and a cable news channel. They routinely release information to the print media, and they never cut corners when it comes to using blood-curdling adjectives.

I found this article today on MSNBC. It's about the "dangers" posed by household paper shredders. Although they weren't cited, I'm certain that the APN is responsible for this.

Apparently, a kid can lose fingers if they stick their hands into a shredder! I'm glad they brought this to light, because I have an eight month old and we were just about to have a shredding party. The article goes on to describe how horrific the results can be if you try to teach your kid how to use a shredder.

Well no doubt. We need to keep them in car seats until they're in college, off of ATVs until they're geriatric, and away from firearms forever. It's no stretch of the imagination that we'll soon have printed labels warning of the dangers of anyone under the age of 35 operating a paper shredder. If we're lucky, we'll have shredder blade "fingerprinting" and a registered database of all paper shredder owners (license required, of course.) Maybe we can eliminate drive-by shreddings that way.

There's not a whole lot of serious content in this posting (obviously). Really, the reason I posted this was is that I think it's just one more piece of evidence supporting the idea that there are people out there that don't trust you to make decisions for yourself. And they feel that it is their duty to make changes to your daily life to help them sleep better. I see a stark commonality here between these shredder-worriers and anti-gunners. Both believe that some other body (government or otherwise) knows better than you how to live your life. And they're going to do what they can to make you comply.

Shredders? I know. Very insignificant. But symptomatic, nonetheless.

One more comment, and then I'm done. I found this quote rather disturbing:

"Manufacturers also have to pass a test to show that little fingers cannot fit into the opening or be pulled into the blades."

Whose kids are they using for that test?


Anonymous Isaac T said...

This just in... children playing with knives can cause great bodily harm to themselves and others, children playing with matches can burn themselves- and their home, safety gates greatly reduce the potential of young children from falling down stairs, and having a pedophile babysit your children is NEVER a good idea. Thanks for the insight.
Concientiously signed,
Clueless Parent #13579

23/5/06 9:45 PM  

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